Monday, November 12, 2012

Who you tryin' to get crazy with ese? (or, what is: Don't you know I'm loco?)

Cassie and I found out just a day after we got married that I say some crazy stuff while sleeping. And as we found out last night, the stuff gets totally insane when I'm sick.
Here's one example.
I've been sick in bed since Saturday night with many mild symptoms - death by a thousand cuts. Body aches, migraine, sore throat... The most notable symptom was a 101.4 fever Sunday morning. Well, that and the crazy eye. I've been miserable, but she's been good to me.
Once I'm deep asleep, nothing short of a major earthquake will wake me. But after I've snuggled into bed and before I've reached comatose status - that weird blend of wake and sleep, reality and dreamland - my startle reflex goes through the roof.
These past few nights, right as my body is really settling in and my brain is shutting everything off, whichever symptom is feeling the most ignored will fight back. It'll bulk up and slap me around just enough to keep me from falling into oblivion. (And sometimes, for an added kick in the sack, they'll call for the mouth to open the floodgates so I'll rest my head in a soggy mess.)
Last night my brain made the mistake of clocking out before making sure the body had fully shut off for deep slumber. For this reason, it wasn't until Cassie was laughing to the point of hyperventilation that I crawled back up to reality.
Enough with the setup; let's get to it.
She and I were both mostly asleep when she brushed her foot against my leg as she turned (I was hogging the bed). She said here's when all my limbs went flying like a newborn as I let out a big gasp, blindly and frantically searching around the room. "Wha.. what's going on!?"
"It was nothing, go to sleep," she says as she's finishing her repositioning on her narrow side of the bed.
I start to roll over and turn my back to her, while slowly rolling my head towards her. With fury and rage burning out of my narrowed eyes, I growl, "You're a tricky whore." With that, I finish my turn and get back to work trying to fall asleep.
Cassie was slightly offended, more confused, but mostly laughing. She punched me in the arm and said, "You just called me a tricky whore."
That brought me awake. Having no idea what had been going on since I first settled in with some 'knock-me-out' flu medicine some hours before, I looked at her, totally confused by her waking me up to begin this type of conversation, and said, "What's this about a tricky whore?" like I'd never heard the phrase before in my life.

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